Seeking Asylum

Seeking Asylum
There are various forms of asylum. Now, heed to what I tell you. To make it into any one of these groups there are some criteria you have to fulfil.

Do your homework
You need to do your homework before you set out on your journey. If you don’t, you will be on that plane back to your country, seated between two law enforcers.

If you are not a boat or truck refugee, dress smartly, not the African way with some bright green tie, orange shirt and purple trousers. Get your dress sense from the latest movies. Please, the Miami Vice series is now old and out of date. Develop a walking style, walk with confidence. I remember strolling with this friend of mine in Africa, working hard on perfecting that confident first world walk. I thought he had style, however, he thought I was impressive. We actually met again in Europe after a couple of years and shared a few stories. More on that later.

Polish your language, improve your vocabulary. When you are poor, you are bound to use poverty based vocabulary. Read first class papers, magazines and watch quality television. I recall this guy back home, who adopted the nickname “nigger”, I wonder whether he still uses it. His language was also very low class, despite being a university graduate, but he believed he was hip. But I doubt if he would succeed in the Refugee Uni. His best option would be to seek residence through family re-union, but I shall expand on this later on.
Now, the types of asylum are;
· Political: This is the most sought after but most hard to get. You must be a minister in some draconian dictatorial regime or better still a former dictator. You could also be a high ranking soldier. You will have fallen out with your fellow dictators and they now want your head. But still if you are charged with corruption, just claim these were trumped up charges by your enemies in high places bent on doing you harm. Not many asylum seekers manage to qualify for this category.

· Economic: This is the most hated, but it does work. The largest number of refugees fall in this category. An example that comes to mind are the boat refugees. Despite the fact some pay up to $10, 000 to make the journey. They are seeking better incomes and working conditions. Economic refugees cannot tell the truth, they will be deported with a D. They apply for political asylum. Many get rejected and they spend the next five to twenty years appealing. During this time they go underground. Surprisingly enough they turn out to be so bitter towards every one else. In Hackney there was this pack of failed asylum seekers who managed to get work in the local authority. They were traffic wardens. They were dishing out parking tickets to any car they saw. They were ruthless. This bunch of rogue road wardens in Hackney has been disbanded. One wonders what else they will be doing. To imagine these guys dishing out parking tickets so ruthlessly, as if law abiding citizens were the cause of their failed asylum cases!! Now, these guys were not even arrested or deported. One has to wonder whether this was a gang that had been setup and once the owner of the gang got wind of trouble, the group was disbanded. I can only speculate, I know what was in the papers and nothing more. These guys somehow disappeared!!

· Humanitarian: The largest refugees end up falling into this category. This category brings shame to refugees. Their original story of seeking political asylum has been rejected, but out of sympathy for the poor soul they are granted leave to remain in the country. Don’t let this get to your head. You have jumped over the first hurdle; you can now live and work in your new found country. Not many know you have been awarded asylum on humanitarian grounds. It is not written on your forehead. Keep the bloody fact to yourself. Get on with your new life.

· Student Visa or Short work permit: If you can manage to get hold of good sums of cash, apply for a nursing course, and you may soon get your self a students visa, and with time you can get a temporary job, nurses are on demand. A student visa is one good way of remaining in the country. After a couple of years in the country as a student, with no crime to your name, you can apply to stay in the country.

So in preparing for asylum, get your story right from the start. Give it as much political clout.

Scenarios:
If you stole money in your country of origin and you were caught and sentenced to prison, twist this around. You took a bribe from some big politician to keep your mouth shut. He/she hired a girl/boyfriend and placed her/him in your department. When she/he tried to get you to take on someone else you refused and you were then locked up on trumped up charges of grand theft. You now have to beef up your story. And you have to emphasise you fear for your life. All your friends who were bribed have disappeared. They have never been heard from again. You know you are next. Should you be deported you too will disappear.

If you are caught in bed with someone’s wife or husband and get yourself slapped around you can claim: You had this sweet heart of yours but he/she decided to go out with this high ranking official in government. Because of your stubbornness you kept on trying to see your sweet heart and this government official got to know and had you locked up on false charges of treason. Now, you have to justify how you got out of prison, and there are not many escape stories from African prisons. These prisons were built to hold people in. Your family and friends are now under constant surveillance because of you.

Paperwork
Which ever situation you are in can be turned around and made to be political. Sit down and think. Prepare. You will need to provide proof of some form. A good case is supported with evidence. You need paperwork. Get newspaper clippings of people being locked up on false charges. These stories are so common on the African continent. Any African country is bound to have someone incarcerated for no reason. If your country is one of those with high morals and does not lock up innocents, move to your neighbouring country, they should be the opposite. These stories will give your story a bit of credibility. Look up reports from human rights organisations; they are full of facts and numbers about people being locked up for no apparent reason.

Journey
Once you have made you preparations, you are then ready to embark on your journey. You need to choose your destination country carefully. Beware of the third country law. Should you transit through another country, your destination country will do their damned best to send you back to the transit country. All planes unlike our buses and taxis, have definite destinations. So you need to know where this plane will drop you. Sort your tickets, vaccinations and visas. You don’t want to overlook those little things that can lead to your denial of entry. It would actually be a shame. Just imagine being deported because you did not take a vaccination. Time and money wasted.

Pack your things properly. I recall I was making my way across Europe and came across an immigration point. I was asked for my identification and I had hidden my passport. The immigration guy tried to reassure me that the train would not leave until I had found the passport. “I know you have it” he said and I did. But I could not find the damn little black book. God, did I panic. Just as I had made it, I was getting myself on the deportation list in hours. I had not even used a toilet in Europe yet. Damn!! Boy did I hate myself. And the shame I would face once I got back to my country. This only made me panic even more. But I later found it after angry and glaring stares from other passengers. I had not expected to have to show it again after having disembarked from my flight from Africa.

Like many African countries today, the transport infrastructure is not so complicated. You can imagine the awe and surprise I was faced with when I arrived in Europe. Along my long journey on a train we arrived at a port and the train had to be loaded onto a ferry for a river crossing. While on the ferry, passengers get out of the train wagons and get onto the ferry for snacks and to enjoy the sea view. I joined the flock. Later on I realised that I could no longer see my fellow passengers. So I asked one young waitress where the other passengers had gone. Luckily enough she spoke English and she pointed out that they had already returned to the wagon and it had moved off the ferry and was about to leave the station. She went on to point out. “There it is across the tracks. I don’t think you will make it. It departs in about two minutes.”

This was panic time for me. Now, on that train were all my worldly belongings. While in Africa I had worked for about two years and saved every single penny. I had used up all my savings to buy myself a new bag, a few new shirts and trousers and some shoes. And all these items were on that train. In addition, my passport, train and air tickets and about $1,500 were in that bag. There was no way that train was going to leave without me. Just ask yourself, had it left me, where would I start to try and find my belongings. In Africa you forget something on public transport, forget it.

I literally flew down the stairs of the ferry. When I got out I could see the train. Anyone familiar with Clapham junction, this place was similar. I was on one side of the station and right across was the train I needed to board. In between were countless tracks I had to cross. I literally ran jumping down onto the tracks and running across them then up onto the next platform, crossing over that and then jumping down again onto the next set of tracks. As I made my way across the girl on the ferry shouted but I could not understand what she was saying. It was so early in the morning so there were not many people around, but the few I saw were glaring at me with mortified looks on their faces. I was not bothered. Some were shouting and waving there hands at me. At the time I could not understand why they were so bothered with my crossing train tracks. We do this in Africa all the time. With hindsight, I now realise God guided me that day. I could have been hit by a train and I would not have survived. I would have spent about 2 hours in Europe. Most likely, if they failed to identify me I would be buried in some unmarked grave. Believe me even refugees get buried in unmarked grave. There was this guy form Ethiopia who died and he could not be positively identified. He lies somewhere in Europe. His relatives probably think he gave up on them. Obviously, I did not know that there were designated routes to use to get from one platform to another. But well, I have lived to tell the tale.